Incapable of Love
by Bitter Reunions
Summary: The Marauders fifth year at Hogwarts with lots of angst, romance, adventure and hot guys galore!


Sirius scowled moodily at the various students milling around outside of the train. They were no doubt coming back from their fun filled holidays with their family and friends, some of them were quite brown and he sighed at the thought of everyone else but him getting to go away instead of staying home in a dust ridden house with no one but an annoying little perfect brother to amuse yourself with. Then there were his parents too, always yelling at him for being a blood traitor and hanging out with 'the Potter boy' well they could just bugger off! Suddenly the door of the compartment he was in slid open and Sirius swiveled in his seat to see his best mate James Potter frowning at him with a worried look at him through black spikes of hair.

"James, man you're finally here!" Sirius beamed. James worried frown was immediately replaced with a grin.

"Sure am mate! Sorry I took so long, Mum kept making me check I had anything and then…er, I got kinda sidetracked."

Sirius sighed. "When are you ever gonna give up on her James?"

James blushed. "Who?"

Sirius scoffed. "Who? Who do ya reckon, you prat? Honestly James, maybe Lily just doesn't…you know…like you…" He finished somewhat lamely.

James face suddenly became livid and Sirius stood up sternly. "How, how dare you!" Sirius stepped forward. "Sorry mate, I didn't mean it…I mean how could she not like you? It's impossible; ever chick here either has a crush on me or you and no way does she like me."

James face relaxed. "Yeah, you're right. But maybe, I mean what if she likes neither of us, she can't like me anyway. She's hated me since forever and anyway, what's so great about me?"

Sirius was starting to regret ever starting this conversation, in one big swipe his friend had lost what little confidence he had had about Lily liking him. Luckily, the compartment door once again was opened and in walked two boys.

"Remus, Peter, you two are here, great!" Sirius yelled glad to be able to change the subject. The two boys grinned back, one a little more nervously then the other. Behind him Sirius heard James shift into view of the others and as Sirius risked a quick glance he noted James was once again beaming. Sirius sighed, what a relief.

"Hey, James, Sirius." One of the boys said, grinning and revealing white and rather sharp looking teeth.

"Must be near full moon, huh moony?" James laughed as the two boys took a seat in the compartment, closing the door behind them.

"Yeah," Sirius grinned taking a seat on the opposite side as James sat down next to him. "I've been looking forward to one of those all holiday, you guys have no idea what it's like to be shut up in a stinky old house fore ages by yourself."

Remus cleared his throat pointedly but Sirius waved his hand.

"That doesn't count, Moony. We're always with you when you transform."

"Not always." Remus said darkly. "What about over the holidays?"

James smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Moony."

Remus smiled. "Nah, don't worry about it. The holidays weren't so bad anyway."

"How 'bout you Wormtail? What did you do?"

"Nothing really," the other boy shrugged, wrinkling his face and looking glad that he had finally been included in the conversation. "All I did was work around the house."

James sighed. "Me too. I was working like a slave." He mimed an old hag, getting up and pretending to drag something heavy around the room, all the while dragging his feet and making his face look lopsided. They all laughed and James grinned at the attention. Suddenly though a dreamy expression crossed James's face and he said "Shhhh!" He tip-toed quietly up to the door and pressed his ear against it.

Sirius looked quizzically at Remus but he shrugged and walked up to the door too. Soon four ears were pressed to the door and Sirius was able to hear out on to the corridor.

The voices were defiantly girls, though Sirius could only recognize one; Lily's.

'_Come on Lily why do you hate him so much, he's head over heals for you!'_

(Sirius could hear Lily sigh impatiently) _'I've told you Cami, he's selfish, up himself and an absolute and total idiot.'_

'_And yet you're still in love with him.' Cami chuckled._

_Lily let out a mixture of swear words which made Cami laugh even harder._

'_Don't deny it Lill! You can't hide the truth from me! I am all seeing!'_

'_Sure Cami, sure.'_

_Cami laughed even more, 'I'm just joking you know, I'm not actually being serious.'_

_Lily seemed angry at that too. 'And his friend too, that Sirius Black what a dick head, strutting around like he owns the place with J-Potter, all the others swooning over them 'Oh James do me first', 'No me', 'Pick me James', 'Pick me!' I wish they'd all just get a grip!'_

_Then Cami spoke, very quietly. 'You nearly said his name.'_

'_Whose?'_

'_James's, you nearly said it…YOU DO LOVE HIM!'_

'_No, I don't…shut up, people will hear! I hate him, I swear by it!'_

_But Cami was singing it louder now until there was sudden silence and Lily had obviously clamped her hand over Cami's mouth._

'_Yuck'_

'_Sorry but desperate times call for desperate measures.' She sighed. 'At least you don't like one of them…do you?'_

'_What, no! Never, I mean Remus is cool but I don't like him like THAT.'_

_Lilly mumbled suspiciously. 'You don't like Black?'_

'_No.'_

'_O.k, well…we should head back to the others.'_

'_Yeah, lets go.'_

Sirius didn't exactly know how long they had been sitting in silence for…two hours maybe, three…maybe even four? All he knew was that he'd never seen his best friend this down hearted before. Sure, there had been times when James had been upset, but never, never in the whole wide world had he been this sad. Sirius glanced at his friend. James had his back to him and was facing the window, his hand pressed against the glass so that the fog from outside took the shape of his hand.

"James…", Sirius began timidly. "Look mate, I…I know what you're thinking and trust me it aint tru-"

"No you don't."

"Yeah- what?" Sirius frowned.

"I said you don't. You don't because you don't know what it feels like Sirius. You jump from girl to girl every week; you don't care about any of them. You just use them all up 'till you get bored of them, then you ditch them…you can't tell what I'm feeling Sirius because…well, because you're incapable of love." James said rather quickly.

Sirius froze. Before sneering, "O.k, tell you what Prongs you can float around and be all lovey dovey if you want, me I'll just have a grand old time fucking anyone I want then we'll both be happy, 'cause that's just how it is aint it mate? That's just what I do, nothing more to me, in fact," He said standing out of his chair, "If you'll excuse me I still haven't done the girl in compartment 21."

"Sirius," Remus began standing up. "That's not what James meant, he just meant that-"

"I know what he meant thanks very much and let me tell you he's quite right, us Blacks were always were evil, unloving things. But you think I don't realize that? I'm reminded of it daily when I see Prongs here slobbering over Lilly or other kids like me saying good bye to their parents, how do you think I feel? How would you feel if you woke up in the morning to the fact that your family were filthy scum who use the word 'mud blood' on a daily bases? Not too great I imagine…now if you lot will let me go do some chick I don't know, I'll be seeing you later!" Sirius finished bitterly as he swung around to face the door only to find it blocked.

"Out of the way James."

James Potter scowled at his friend. "No."

Sirius scoffed. "I could beat you easy Prongs."

James raised one eyebrow and Sirius did the same.

"I don't want to fight you Sirius."

"No?" Said Sirius, raising his voice. "Well then, I can see one of us has decided to grow up and I'm perfectly aware it's not me, thanks."

"What's wrong Sirius? You never used to be so sensitive." Asked James, lowering his wand.

"Sensitive now, am I? Gee, one second ago I thought I was a slut but my how the world changes!"

"Come on Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry and you happened to be the first person to interrupt my sulking…please? Sirius you're my best mate, can we just, forget about it…please?" James pleaded

Sirius frowned for a moment, pretending to think. "I don't know, I mean you did say I couldn't love, I've gotta take marks away for that one and man you know that's not true. What about you, Remus and Peter huh? I love my best mates…so I guess I could forgive you, under one condition."

James frowned, "What?"

"You let me do whatever chick I want."

James grinned. "Sure thing Padfoot."

"Good," Sirius grinned, "Then I'm off to find Lilly."

"WHAT?" James yelled.

Sirius grinned, trying to hold back his laughter. "You promised."

"I'm going to kill you Padfoot." James screamed, lunging at Sirius but Sirius dodged him and laughed.

"Nearly got me that time Prongs." He taunted, "I wouldn't do that to Lilly though mate, she's yours far and square."

Remus laughed at the look on James's face. "He's not being serious Prongs, don't worry."

"Oh aren't I, Moony?" Sirius said putting on a pompous face. "But my dear fellow you do forget my name, do you not know that I am Sirius, Sirius Black?"

"I do know you speak a whole load of crap, serious crap." Remus replied.

"How dare you!" Sirius declared. "How dare you insult I, the king of all that is crap! Oh, I mean Black, all that is Black!"

They all laughed as the train finally came to a stop outside Hogwarts.

**First HP fic, how do you reckon it went? I've done like three others but on different topics, yes I know Peter was hardly in it but I hate him any way...**


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